Trans dressing 2: How to build your confidence... and get yourself some boobs

In the last post I said I’d discuss a bit how it was possible to look more traditionally feminine if you were an AMAB trans person.

The truth is, you’ll most likely have to get comfortable with the feeling of being “clocked” in public. Clocked is when an onlooker sees, and usually makes it obvious to you or to the person they’re with, that you’re trans.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll blame yourself for this happening at first, but this is wrong, as I’ll explain.

Also, an important note: anyone who feels they are a trans person is a trans person. There is no qualification to be trans, whatever governments us. You are a woman if you want to be a woman. The gendered expectations that society places on women are something cis women themselves have been trying to break down for centuries. This is not meant to be regressive, or antifeminist. It’s meant to give you, as a trans woman, the best chance to live up to your own lofty hopes and expectations on starting your transition. You don’t have to do any of the things I describe here, and you’re still a woman. You don’t need anyone’s approval.

One more note: what I describe as steps to take in order to feel more feminine are steps which many cis women do not take. This is just my own personal experience of transition. Everyone is individual; that’s what makes the world so special.

Internalised transphobia

The shame that we feel when we do something entirely harmless is usually caused by social conditioning that is designed to keep us in line. It’s why a lot of comedies based around embarrassment are successful - they show characters going outside of where we would feel comfortable, but they shine a mirror up to ourselves in some way.

Internalised transphobia, though, isn’t funny or enjoyable, and just serves to hold back good people from achieving their goals. The first time you’re dressed the way you want to dress, and you’re on a bus, or walking on the street, and someone takes a bit too long to stare at you, or seems to be giggling, it’s TERRIFYING, whether you’re with a friend at the time or not.

Unfortunately this is something we, in the time we’re currently in. have to push through. Having close buddies with you will help, as will being mindful of where you go and what time you go there, picking your trips based on how comfortable you think the journey and the destination are likely to be for you. This doesn’t mean “don’t go to certain places,” it just means, “think about the route you’ll have to take.”

Accessorise and adapt

While it’s not helpful to use old-fashioned, reductive phrases to indicate femininity, there are still ways of feeling and appearing closer to your desired ideal with the clothes you wear and the way you accessorise your body.

Pre-HRT or without HRT at all, there’s a certain body shape we have to work with, and it’s not helpful to focus on having to change; it’s better to work out how to make the most of what we have. The change is within you - anything you do externally is just for two reasons: to help you feel more accepted by society how it is, and to help you be the woman you want to be, as soon as possible.

Tucking

There’s no getting around it (pun intended): tucking is painful without proper guidance, and will take some time to get right. There will be a detailed post on how to tuck in the near future, but here’s a precis: take a cold shower, have short strips of medical tape ready, and TAKE YOUR TIME. Your balls are delicate tech, as is your penis, and whether you want them in the long term or not, you should take care of them - they’re your body, after all.

A good bra

When I first went bra-shopping, a friend helped *petrified me* find the right size padded slip-on bra for myself. It was fine, and gave me some extra mass around my chest, but it only mildly hinted at boobs, rather than outright signalling them.

What was truly revolutionary was when I went into the Hünkemöller store in Antwerp (shout out to their amazing staff, who really went the extra mile to find my size and fit), and got properly fitted up for a padded plunge bra. While an old-school padded bra basically just sticks two sponges on your chest, a plunge bra puts wire under your pecs, hoisting them into the position cis women’s boobs are in, while giving you volume for days. They look utterly remarkable in most dresses, and if you’re wearing your right size, and you take time to adjust the straps and the bra positioning properly, you’ll have the tits of your dreams, desired hormones or not.

I couldn’t stop looking at myself.

Clean legs, clean body

Make sure you shave your legs before you go out, as well as your arms, chest, and armpits. Clip your intimate hair if you’re not squeamish about it. While this might be obvious to some of you, and still others might point out that a lot of cis women never shave anything, if you’ve got this far in this post, you’re aiming for a particular look, which we might call a ‘femme’ look. That means you may want to work harder than many of your cis friends to achieve the wanted aesthetic. Treat it like a fun game, and keep adapting, and eventually you’ll be surprised where you get.

It’ll take you months, likely even years, to get fully comfortable with the feeling of transitioning. But it IS worth it, for the feeling you get. It’s truly about the journey, not the destination, so have fun with it.