Trans dressing 1 - From babyqueer to überbabe

No, that’s not a serious title - I’d never call myself überbabe without masses of irony. But I do think I should give myself credit - from two and a half years ago to now, my women’s wardrobe has improved and evolved a lot.

The first thing to say is, you WILL make mistakes, but you have to embrace and enjoy them. You’ve spent most of your life telling yourself you can’t look like the girl in the Asos ad, and now you’ve actually gone out and bought the dress, maybe it zips up to the top but you’re disappointed because your torso looks square, or your chest is flat. Don’t throw out the dress instantly. It’s your dream to get it, and you can work on your confidence to make it work on you.

Maybe you’ll never wear this first item out of the house, but I hope you do, to a queer-friendly space, where you can enjoy yourself with zero pressure or weirdness from others.

Where and how to buy

Whatever it is you want to buy, thrift shops, friendly allies, and online retailers are your friends. Some of us are brave enough to storm their nearest Zara and line up in the changing room of their choice, but others would rather throw themselves into a hedge. Go at your speed, do what feels comfortable.

For me, Asos and About You, two online stores that send their items to where I am, were sent from above. I wait until items I wanted from last season are on sale, then buy them in two sizes, sending back the one that doesn’t fit. It almost never fails, and you can use your bedroom mirror instead of the dirty one in the changing room. Win win!

Remember, building your wardrobe is like building your inventory in a video game: nobody does it right away, and if they did, they’d be bankrupt. Get items as and when you can, and although, if you’re anything like me, you might crave the luxury satin dresses and spangly heels for the club, don’t neglect the day-to-day items like cute t-shirts, bodysuits, and sensible sneakers and flats. Drag performers are amazing in every way, but they dress on purpose to excess and extremes - you’re dressing for self-acceptance and everyday confidence, and that’s a different speed.

Building a versatile wardrobe

Babyqueers (that is, newly-out folks who are taking their first steps into a new world of discovery) are, according to popular wisdom, like teenage girls: they’re putting on what their innermost desires want them to wear, rather than making rational, informed choices. And that’s just fine. It’ll take you a while to find your true everyday vibe, and it’ll take tonnes of friendly advice, and some scary-but-worthwhile nights out, to work out what your vibe is and if you inhabit it to your satisfaction. It’s trial and error, but if you’re a MTF trans person, the principles of building a nice wardrobe are the same as for “men’s clothes”.

Think carefully about colour: black goes with most things (even brown these days, apparently…), as does white. Pastel shades will make you feel more traditionally girly, but shouldn’t be overdone: surround them with harder, darker tones. Pinafore dresses are amazing because you can basically use them in the same way you would have used a suit jacket: to uprate a nice shirt or blouse, or to complement a simple t-shirt. Aim for dresses that trick the eye with their shape, pinching you in at the waist and trailing outwards in an a-line. If you’re a pants/trousers girl, follow the trends: at the time of writing, loose is in, and wide trousers can hide a lot that you might want to hide, if you know what I mean. Talking of which, there’ll be a post on tucking soon, I promise.

Whatever you feel like wearing, build a flexible clothing collection, so you can mix it up without having to buy hundreds of items. Remember: if you do make what you consider to be a mistake, it’s not the end of your journey: you can always send back or resell anything that doesn’t work out for you, but you ought to have fun on your voyage of wardrobe discovery.

Changing the look of your body before/without HRT

What can you do to make your body feel more feminine and curvaceous? Remember, no matter what stage of your transition you’re on, it’s important to be kind to yourself. Nobody has transitioned perfectly, no matter how put-together they might seem. Focus on yourself. There are a few tricks you can do. I’ll discuss a few of these in an upcoming post.

If you have any thoughts or questions, I’d love to hear from you.